The Bachelor Party
by Jerrib
Summary: Steve threw Sam a bachelor party.  Now everyone is hungover and exactly where is Steve?  Kono investigates.


The Bachelor Party

Steve's friend Sam is getting married and Steve threw the Bachelor Party. But where is Steve and why can't any of the guys remember what happened? Once again I don't own anything Hawaii Five-0 though I will eventually own the DVD.

Kono pulled her car into the McGarrett driveway and marveled at the array of cars that were assembled there. It looked like a very fancy car dealership lot with several Porsches, BMWs and even a Jaguar. Steve's truck, Danny's Camaro and Chin's motorcycle were there as well. She was a bit surprised that all the bachelor party attendees were at Steve's house this early on a Saturday. The bachelor and bachelorette parties had been held the night before. The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner were that evening and the wedding was to take place on Sam's estate the next afternoon.

She and Steve were due at the tailor that Sam had hired for their final fittings for Sam and Mary's wedding. She was maid of honor and Steve was to be best man. In addition to the two of them there were to be five ushers, five bridesmaids, a flower girl and a ring bearer. The final two were Mary and Sam's foster children Sarah and Jacob. The governor had assisted in expediting their paperwork, so that as soon as Sam and Mary returned from their honeymoon the adoption proceedings would be finalized.

In fact everything seemed to have been expedited. It must be very nice to have money to throw at any of your problems, she thought. You want to get married in less than a month, just hire enough people to make it happen. She'd been a bridesmaid several times before and it had cost her a fortune. But this time Sam had paid for everything, the tuxes, the bridesmaid dresses, the wedding, and the honeymoon. Mary had insisted on paying for her own dress and the rehearsal dinner. The dresses had been flown in, arriving two days ago, everyone else in the wedding party had their final fittings the day before, but due to work conflicts Steve and Kono had to wait until today.

She parked her car and walked to the front door, knocking loudly on the door. There was no response. She knocked again, still nothing. Finally she tried turning the doorknob and found it was unlocked. She opened the door and entered the house. She only took two steps before she froze in disbelief.

At first Kono thought there'd been some sort of crime, the living room appeared to be littered with bodies. She instinctively reached for her gun, only to realize that her gun was locked in the trunk of her car, as it wasn't exactly appropriate to wear one during a fitting. A second look told her that in fact the bodies were alive, even though no one was moving. She spotted Danny lying on his stomach on the couch and Chin was sprawled in a big easy chair.

Danny was sound asleep, and Kono hated to wake him but she needed to know what had happened. "Danny, Danny," she laid her hand gently on his shoulder.

Danny merely grunted and waved a hand towards her face.

"Danny," Kono shook him a little.

Danny's eyes popped open at that and immediately clenched shut against the brightness in the room.

"Danny," Kono said it a bit louder.

"Oh my god, please stop yelling at me," Danny said. He rolled over on the couch and groaned again, louder this time.

"Danny, I'm not yelling," Kono bit her lip trying not to laugh at the obviously suffering man.

"What did I just say? Stop yelling. Oh my god, my head. What the hell?" Danny tried to sit up but fell back against the pillow. "Where am I?"

"You're in Steve's living room."

"Why?" Danny asked.

"How should I know? Why are all of you here? Exactly what happened last night?" Kono asked.

"All?" Danny asked. He glanced around the room, his eyes squinting. "What are we doing here?"

"Seriously Danny, how much did you drink last night?"

"I honestly don't know. I haven't gone partying like that, well I don't think I've ever gone partying like that. These guys are party animals."

"Where's Steve?" Kono was looking around the room, she counted nine men, three of them friends of Steve's from the bachelor auction, Danny, Chin and the other four were all Sam's friends from his football days. "And where is Sam?"

"Kono, first of all, please stop yelling. My head is going to explode all over the room in a minute. I don't know where Sam and Steve are. Up until a minute ago I didn't know where I was. Why don't you check upstairs?"

Kono headed up the stairs, pausing when she got to the top to look down at the room full of sleeping bodies. She grinned and pulled out her camera and snapped a couple of pictures. You never know when they would come in handy. She realized she wasn't sure which room was Steve's. She began opening the doors slowly. The first bedroom was empty; it must have been Steve's sister's room. The walls were a light shade of pink, more of a rosy white really, with white wicker furniture. It was definitely a girl's room. The next room was Jack McGarrett's room, she could see the room was full of mementos of his life and his closet was full of his clothes and uniforms. It looked untouched, almost like he'd be returning to it that evening, rather than being dead for six months. Her eyes moistened, the room was obviously being carefully preserved, it was spotless and dust free. She opened the next door slowly, it was a guest room and splayed across the bed, fully dressed, was Sam Ballachek. He was sound asleep, snoring loudly. She giggled, feeling sorry for Mary if that was how Sam sounded every night. Passing by the hall bathroom she went to the last room on the floor and knocked softly. When there was no answer she opened the door.

It was obviously Steve's room. She could see in the closet his Navy uniforms, all hung neatly in a row. Next to them were his collection of cargo pants and polo shirts. Everything was in order. The walls of the room were covered with paintings of Hawaii and framed naval memorabilia. Steve's football trophies were in a bookcase along with a variety of novels and other small items. The queen size bed was perfectly made, the sheets and blankets smooth and wrinkle free. Even the pillows were lined up and smooth. There was no sign that Steve had been there the night before. She went towards the bed and sniffed, there was no scent of alcohol here, unlike everywhere else in the house. She opened the door out onto the upstairs patio and stepped out, scanning up and down the beach quickly. No sign of him. She checked in the adjoining bathroom but it appeared untouched as well. The shower and tub were completely dry. She chuckled briefly, Steve, Chin and Danny had taught her well. She knew how to investigate a potential crime scene thoroughly now.

An idea struck Kono and she pulled out her phone and quickly dialed Steve's number. It rang then went to his voicemail.

She headed back downstairs, pausing again to survey the scene. Danny was still lying on his back, his hand over his eyes and a pained expression on his face. She went over and looked down at him. "Danny, Steve's not here."

"What? What do you mean he's not here? Then where is he?"

"I was hoping you could tell me. He's not answering his phone either." Kono glanced at the other men. "Danny is there any chance that Steve didn't come back with all of you last night? When was the last time you spoke to him?"

"I have no idea. I can't even remember everywhere we went last night. Maybe one of the others does" Danny gestured around the room.

"Look, why don't you get them all up. I'm going to go put on some coffee. It looks like you are all going to need it."

Twenty minutes later all the bachelors were awake, or if not awake at least they were upright with their eyes open. They all had massive hangovers; even Chin was looking a bit peaked. Kono had distributed aspirin and bottles of water to all of them. Once those were consumed she distributed mugs of steaming Kona coffee which everyone was sipping carefully. She had been pondering the best way to determine exactly what had happened the night before and the best way to do that was reconstruct the whole evening, just like they reconstructed a timeline at work.

"OK gentlemen, let's get started," she declared.

As a group they winced.

"Kono, seriously babe, we love you but you have got to stop yelling at us," Danny said.

"Yeah cuz. You have absolutely no idea what this feels like." Chin chimed in.

"OK," she softened her voice and suppressed a smile. Laughing at them wouldn't help matters, but she was definitely going to ride Danny and Chin about this. "I'm trying to figure out exactly what all of you did last night and the last time anyone saw Steve. I know you are all a bit hazy on the details so I'd like to reconstruct the evening. What time did you all come to the house? I saw all your cars outside so you must have started from here."

Sam coughed and cleared his throat then began. "We had all agreed to meet here at 4 p.m. yesterday. It would give us enough time to get an hour or so of surfing in then we could head out to the clubs. Everyone was on time. We all changed and hit the beach. Since most of the guys can't surf we had Steve's friend Mamo come out and give everyone surfing lessons."

"Were you drinking then?" Kono asked.

"No, we just had water. Josh Taylor, Steve and Jack were the ones who helped give the lessons, they're all from here. The rest of us were relative newbies. After about an hour we all agreed to stop and came in and get cleaned up. We had a beer then the limos arrived."

"What limos?"

"Well we didn't want to take any chances so I hired two limos for the evening. Steve and the guys from the bachelor auction, Chin and Danny went in one car. David, Garrett, Seth, Killer and I went in the other one. At least at first."

"So what was your first stop?"

"We decided to get dinner first so we went to Hula Grill, everybody wanted seafood of course. We were there about two hours I think," Sam added.

Danny pulled out his phone and flicked through the photos on it. "Here's a photo of all of us at the table," Danny handed the phone to Kono. She had to smile, all the men in the photo were gathered around a large circular table, the brilliant sunset in the background. The table was littered with glasses with umbrellas in them.

"What were you drinking?"

"Some of these orange drinks. They were great," Danny replied.

"Orange? What was in them?"

"I'm not sure," Danny replied. "Probably orange juice."

Kono rolled her eyes at that.

Killer, a former linebacker for the Chargers and Sam's former roommate, spoke up, "I think it was tequila."

"Ok, so where did you go from there?"

"Our next stop was the Ohana Bar. They have a great show on Friday nights," Chin spoke up. "It's a hoot since they also have hula dancers. In fact," Chin pulled out his phone, "I have a photo from there of the guys all trying to hula." He held his phone out to Kono. She looked and she could see the five football players all mingling with the hula dancers and giving the hula their best attempt.

"I see you five, but where are the rest of you?" Kono asked.

All the men at that point had pulled out their phones and were flipping through the photos. Josh Berman spoke up, "Here we are. None of us were planning to get up and dance, at least not at that point."

Kono looked at the photo, she could see Steve at the table, his head thrown back in laughter. In front of all of them were glasses partially filled with some kind of blue drink with small umbrellas. Danny was the only one with a beer in front of him.

"What was in the blue drinks?"

"Vodka," Josh Taylor replied.

"I'm starting to understand this hangover. Danny, why aren't you drinking one?"

"Let me tell you something, I do not eat or drink things that are blue. Blue is not a food color. I will eat green, orange, yellow, red and of course brown and white. But not blue."

"What about blueberries Dude?" Killer asked.

"Nope, not blueberries. My mom used to buy this blue cereal, Booberry it was called, when I was a kid. Well it turned the milk blue, my tongue was blue, even our bowls were tinted blue. My brother and I loved it until I overindulged one Saturday morning. After throwing up blue for an hour I swore then and there never to consume any blue food ever again. And I've kept my vow."

"Dude, that's sad. Blueberries are a super food you know. I eat them every morning," Garrett chimed in. He was the only one of Sam's former teammates who was still playing football and looked to be in superb condition. "The other thing you should try are acai berries. Those things will fix you right up."

"I do not need fixing. What is this with everyone messing with my diet? Steve keeps trying to put fruit on my pizza, my daughter has me eating salad, and now this? Back in Jersey…," Danny started to rant when Kono cut him off.

"Danny, let's figure out where you guys lost Steve before you go any further. You can sing Jersey's praises later. So you watched the hula show then what?"

"We decided since it was Sam's last official night of freedom that we should go meet some pretty ladies and we went to Level 4." Josh Taylor took up the story. "We figured we'd have a few drinks and do some dancing." He was scrolling through photos on his phone. "Here it is, you can see us dancing right there." He held the phone out to Kono and she could see half the guys on the dance floor surrounded by women.

"I don't see Steve there."

"Let me look," Chin checked his phone again. "Here he is," and showed her a photo of Steve and Sam sitting at the empty table, both with arms folded watching the crowd.

"He didn't dance?" Kono asked, feeling secretly pleased.

"No, he said he was keeping Sam company." Josh handed off to Sam.

"Well, it just didn't feel right. I just didn't feel comfortable dancing with anyone who wasn't Mary. That's why I had told Steve no strippers. I just couldn't do that." He gave a meaningful look at Kono. She realized after what had happened a few weeks ago when Sam had been blackmailed for something he hadn't even done that Sam was never going to risk his relationship with Mary even for a harmless dance.

"Why didn't Steve dance?"

"He promised to block the ladies for me. However, Josh here was the life of the party. I guess being a TV news anchor has its advantages when it comes to attracting the ladies." Sam smirked.

"Hey, Garrett here did better than anyone. How many numbers did you get man?" Josh asked.

Garrett reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a handful of business cards and parts of paper napkins. "A lot I guess. How the heck am I going to figure out which girl goes with which number?"

"You need a coding system," Chin replied. "Create a database of some sort. I could help you with that."

Kono sighed and once again put them back on course. "What was in those clear drinks on the table?"

The guys all looked at each other and shook their heads. No one had any idea. Danny finally said, "I don't even remember those drinks. Maybe those things on that commercial, Mojitos?"

"Nah, wrong kind of glass, and those have mint in them. These look like martini glasses," Sam was examining the picture. "And I think they have pineapple in them."

"They call them Hawaiian Martinis. They're made with vodka, rum and pineapple juice," Chin said.

"My god, do people here put pineapple in everything? It's on the pizza, in the drinks, it's all just too much," Danny threw up his hands in disgust.

Kono rolled her eyes and pushed on, "Where to next?"

Everyone looked down at their phones and the time stamps on the photos. "Looks like we went to a karaoke bar." Garrett finally spoke up.

"Why do you think it was karaoke?" Kono asked.

He turned the phone towards everyone and pushed a button, the phone sprang to life as a video of the ten men played on the screen. They were all up on the stage obviously singing. He turned up the sound, "Bye, bye Miss American Pie, drove the Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry."

"You were singing American Pie?" Kono said in disbelief.

"I wanted Bon Jovi," Danny piped in.

"It was the only song we could all agree on. Plus we all knew all the words. Steve wanted something else, I can't remember what." Chin said.

"Anchors Aweigh," said David. "You know, that Navy Song. We all argued that he was the only one that knew the words and tune. Garrett wanted Sweet Home Alabama."

"I don't even remember doing that. Why would I want Sweet Home Alabama? I'm from Georgia," Garrett said.

"Me either," said Josh. "Man, I was wasted at that point."

"Well no surprise, you idiots were mixing beer, vodka, rum, and tequila. It sounds like you were attempting to drink every kind of alcohol in one evening."

"I think we had sake at the karaoke bar. I remember tossing it back. I think the bar was Wang Chungs." Chin added.

"Plus the champagne in the limos," added Sam.

"Champagne too? It's amazing none of you ended up in the hospital," Kono said. Her eyes widened. "Steve's not in a hospital somewhere is he?" 

The guys all stared at her blankly.

"Ok, before I start calling all the ERs let's see where else you were. The video from the karaoke bar was stamped 11:12 p.m. Anyone have anything from after that?"

They all bent to their phones. Finally Chin said, "I have one here that says 12:30 am. We're at Duke's Barefoot Bar. Looks like there was a concert on the beach."

"Are you all there?" Kono asked. She was starting to feel more than a little exasperated. Just how many places had these guys gone?

"I honestly can't tell," Chin finally replied. "I don't see Steve. Mostly I can see some band performing and I can see Danny, Sam, Garrett, David, then the others are all kind of clustered."

Kono examined the photo and handed it back to Chin. "Anyone else?"

They were all silent and shaking their heads. "So somewhere between 11:12 p.m. and this morning we don't know what happened to Steve." They all hung their heads sheepishly. "No one remembers being in the limo with him?"

They all exchanged looks. Finally Danny spoke up, "I don't remember being in the limo. Being on the beach explains the sand in my socks though."

"I think we might have gone in the water," Killer said.

"Why do you think that?" Kono asked.

"Well, my pants legs are rolled up and I can't find my shoes or socks anywhere. And my feet are covered in salt and sand." Killer smiled sheepishly.

"Ok, I'm going to put out an AP," and as Kono was about to say "B" the kitchen door swung open and in strolled Steve McGarrett. He was wearing his bathing suit and his hair was dripping wet. He stopped when he realized the crowd had all turned to him and gaped.

"Hey guys, you're finally up. Good deal. Kono, sorry I'm a little late. I overslept and I wanted to get in my run and a swim. I'll get dressed and we can go."

"Hold it right there," Danny stood up, wincing again as his headache once again came to the forefront. "Just what do you mean you went for a run and a swim?" 

"Well, I try and get some exercise every morning. I figured today since you were all so sound asleep I could squeeze in both a run and a swim. I did a five mile run then swam for the last half hour. I also stopped before my run to check on Mr. Peterson down the street, he's in his 80s and I wanted to be sure he didn't need anything at the store since Kono and I could pick things up on our way back here. He wanted to show me the new photos of his grandson and I couldn't just walk out. That's what held me up a bit."

"How is it possible that you felt well enough to go running and swimming this morning?" Danny asked. "The rest of us are dying here. And I know that you Steven, for at least the first five places, were keeping up with all of us drink for drink."

"Hey, I'm a Navy man, Danno. We know how to hold our liquor. Now, let me get dressed so we can get this show on the road." Steve headed upstairs towards his bedroom. When he returned a few minutes later completely dressed the guys were still staring at him balefully, except for Danny who was lying on the couch with a wet towel over his forehead. He and Kono made a fast exit. Steve climbed into Kono's car since his truck was blocked by everyone else's cars and they took off.

"OK, before you say anything else I just have to know the truth. Exactly how did you manage to drink all those guys under the table?" Kono asked. "And don't give me this bull about being a Navy man. Given the amount of alcohol you were all mixing there is just no way."

"Look, I promised Sam I would be his wing man last night and make sure nothing could possibly go wrong. After what we went through a few weeks ago I had to be sure there was no chance he did anything that could be caught on camera. The worst thing he did was a very off key version of American Pie. So I had the waitresses at each of the restaurants bring me virgin cocktails. All I drank was a few beers and a shot of sake. But don't tell." Steve asked.

"What and ruin what is going to be the newest legend of Steve McGarrett? No way. Why doesn't anyone remember you coming back with them? And what happened after they went to Wang Chungs?"

"Once we finished American Pie the guys did a few solos and smaller group songs. Danny did a hilarious Bruce Springsteen Glory Days. He kept turning his back to the audience and shaking his butt. And Chin sang Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love with the guys all doing the backup girls dance. I've never laughed so hard in my life. Then they heard that a band was playing at Duke's so we went there. Well, if I had known they were all going to want to go swimming I would never have agreed. I finally just started dragging them to the limos. It was like putting puppies in a basket, I'd get three of them in and while I went for the next ones half of them would get out again. I finally had to have the drivers help me. By the way remind me to explain to Sam why each driver got a $500 tip added to his bill. Once I got them all in there was no room for me in the back of either limo so I sat up front with the driver. The drivers helped me get them all inside and they all crashed. I got Sam in a bed but I gave up on the rest of them. I tried to wake Chin this morning but he was dead to the world."

"Next time do me a favor and leave everyone a note if you are going to go running, and charge your phone. And do you have the Springsteen and Robert Palmer songs on your cell phone."

"You bet. They may very well be my retirement fund." Steve said. "So how was the bachelorette party?" He slid down in his seat and relaxed as Kono skillfully guided her car towards their destination and recounted the details of the bachelorette party they'd held for Mary at a local spa. He even complimented her glistening blue finger and toe nails.

The next day Steve, Sam and the other groomsmen gathered in Sam's bedroom anxiously waiting to head out to the tent where the wedding would be held. The tent was set up on the back lawn of Sam's house. In the distance, the ocean sparkled brightly and you could see a double rainbow. Each of the men was outfitted in a black tuxedo with a blue floral cummerbund that had the pattern of a Hawaiian shirt. They were all sober since they had all avoided alcohol at the rehearsal dinner the night before.

"Nervous?" Steve asked Sam.

"You'd think I would be, but I'm really not. I feel relaxed actually. Like I'm finally where I should be," Sam replied.

Steve nodded, "That makes sense. You're getting a great woman. And remember what I told you."

"I know, I know, don't hurt her. Steve, I am going to spend the rest of my life making Mary and the kids happy. And you can check on them whenever you want. I know the kids love their Uncle Stevie."

Steve rolled his eyes.

The wedding coordinator came in and signaled the men that it was time. They lined up and filed out of the room and down the stairs. They strolled across the lawn and down the aisle in front of all the guests. At the altar Steve took his place next to Sam and the others lined up next to him. Once they were set, they all turned and smiled for the video cameraman and the photographer. Steve could see Chin, Danny and Grace sitting about halfway back on the groom's side of the church. Danny had asked if Grace could be his plus one and Mary and Sam had agreed readily, she would keep the other children company during the reception. They had hired a baby sitter just for the occasion. Steve could see Minh Hua and Mr. Chi towards the back. Minh Hua, Jacob and Sarah had become good friends at Steve's house and Steve was pleased to see them there. At last the music began and the doors in the back of the church opened.

Kono came through the door first, trailed by the other four bridesmaids. Her dress was a lovely blue, which matched the blue flowers in the men's cummerbunds. She also held matching blue flowers. She smiled serenely as she came down the aisle and took her place opposite Steve. The bridesmaids were followed by Jacob, looking very serious in his miniature tuxedo, the pillow holding the wedding rings clutched firmly in his hands. He came and stood next to Steve who rested a hand firmly on his head to keep him from fidgeting. Sarah followed next, carrying a small white basket and tossing blue and white flower petals all the way down the aisle. At the end of the aisle she came to a halt and peered into the basket, then upended it so the remaining petals landed in a heap. The crowd chuckled. She immediately went to stand next to Kono.

Steve couldn't help but smile. He spotted the Governor in the crowd, she was accompanied by her husband and looked very festive in an enormous hat. At last Mary and her father appeared and came down the aisle. Everything went off as it had in the rehearsal and at last Sam and Mary were wed. The music began again and the two turned and went down the aisle, followed by Sarah and Jacob. Steve held out his arm to Kono and she took it and they followed along, riding herd on the two small children.

The reception was a huge hit. Buffet tables were loaded with all kinds of foods and there was no assigned seating so everyone mixed and mingled at will, going from table to table. A dance floor had been set up near the pool and a small band played throughout the evening. Mary and Sam had led off the dancing and were joined by the members of the bridal party. Steve had held Kono securely in his arms as they slow danced.

"It was a lovely day," Kono said.

"Yes, it was," Steve replied.

"You clean up pretty well, Boss. I like the tux."

"I could do without Danny calling me James Bond every five minutes though." Steve said as the music ended and the band took a short break. They headed back to their table. Steve was held up by the Governor and Kono walked back to Danny and Chin.

"Well Steve, you did a great job."

"Governor?"

"When I put you in the Bachelor Auction I was hoping that some good would come of it. And here we are, Mary and Sam make a nice couple and I understand you had a lot to do with today happening."

"Just doing my job," Steve said without thinking.

"What job is that?"

"To make Hawaii a better place to live," Steve answered. "Sam and Mary and the children will help build the future here."

"Well, good job Steve. Maybe one of these days you'll decide to settle down yourself."

"Possibly ma'am." Steve's eyes were fixed on the table where his team were eating and laughing.

"Well go eat. And save me a dance for later." The Governor moved off and Steve watched her go. Then he headed towards the buffet line. Danny sidled up to him almost immediately.

"James, I just have to know."

"Yes Danno?"

"Any regrets?"

"Regrets?"

"Yeah, watching Mary marry another man. I know you liked her," Danny pushed a little trying to see behind his stoic partner's neutral expression.

"She's my friend."

"Dude, haven't you ever considered getting married?" Danny stopped as Steve's facial expression changed. It was one Danny could vaguely remember seeing only once before when he had asked Steve what his special skills were. Steve had said he worked the other side and Danny had guessed Steve had been a sniper. Steve had given him a look that had indicated to Danny that he had struck close to the truth. "Steve, have you been married?" Danny asked.

Steve said nothing, just looked at his partner. At that moment Sarah, Jacob, and Minh Hua ran up to Steve and dragged him onto the dance floor. Danny couldn't help but think that Steve was looking a little relieved. Then he just had to laugh, the song the band began to play was In the Navy by the Village People. He watched as Steve held Sarah's hand and twirled her on the dance floor. Then Grace came up and dragged him onto the dance floor. Chin and Kono soon joined them and the Five-O team danced the night away.

More to come….


End file.
